I’m still in shock that my husband and I have actually been married for 7 years! It still feels like it was just yesterday that we started life together. I was just 19 years old when I met him. We don’t usually do anything extraordinary for our anniversary but this year, I thought I’d do something a bit different. In this day in age, not too many people are able to say they’ve been happily married for 7 years. Trust me, our marriage was definitely no easy walk in the park but I’m happy I was able to go through those marriage growing pains to be able to develop the appropriate mindset for a successful marriage with my husband. I am by no ways an expert in relationships and what may work for my relationship might not work for another. What I do know is that if others before me shared more realistic marriage advice early in my marriage, I might have been able to handle certain situations much better. I don’t know the future, but right now, I am the happiest I have ever been with life in general. To celebrate my 7th year of marriage with hubby, here are 7 lessons I’ve learned that helped me get to where I am today with my marriage.

Put God First

If you don’t do anything at all, please do this! Nothing can work without Him. I don’t care if you are rich or very happy or successful. If you do not put God first before all those things, it can never be sustainable. What do I mean when I say put God first? Make him part of the family, literally. Make it a priority to focus on Him as an individual, as a couple, and as a family. For some, that may mean attending church service routinely or praying together as a family. Other ways to put God first can be through doing a daily devotional or talking about God and your faith with your spouse. In our home, this means praying together, worshiping God together, teaching our children about God together and supporting each other to ensure our personal faith is never lacking.

Put Yourself In Your Spouses Shoes

The reality is that arguments will happen. You can’t avoid it. Whenever I have an argument with my husband, we get to a resolution quicker when I take a moment to think about his viewpoint and why he might have been upset or disagreed with me in that moment. That helps me to address the argument from a more realistic perspective and address his concerns, if and when it makes sense. Your spouse does not all of sudden become a crazy person, dumb, or evil just because you two are not seeing eye to eye. There is always some (not all) reasonable explanation as to why your spouse may see things differently than you.

Marriage Is Not Meant to Be Equal

Now before you call me crazy and exit this blog post, hear me out! I am in no ways saying that you are suppose to cater to your spouses every desire and need just because he is a man or vice versa. I believe one should go about marriage the same way you go about a team. A team is successful when each member does what they are best at. The same goes for marriage. In my marriage, I am better at keeping us organized with things we have to do and with our home while my husband is better at home maintenance. If we were to split managing our bills or split getting stuff fixed in the house between ourselves, it just would not be done as well. No marriage is and should be the same. Do what works for your household and don’t compare your marriage or the roles you play in your household to another.

You Didn’t Just Marry Your Spouse

When you get married, start having the mindset that you have gained a whole new family. A new mom, dad, and siblings; and treat them as such. The things you do for your own parents and siblings should be the same you do for your in-laws. When you don’t do this, you leave room for the possibility for isolating your spouse from their family or you being isolated from your spouses family. I understand that some situations with in-laws may be complicated, but if you are able, just take them as your family without any conditions.

Be Transparent, Even If It Causes More Problems

Earlier in my marriage, I use to be the queen of not bringing stuff up that bothered me, in fear of an argument or being misunderstood. I can’t tell you enough how horribly wrong that is. Sometimes, when we want to give someone feedback or express ourselves to someone we look for that immediate agreement with whatever we are saying. Throw that out the window! There are things you will tell your spouse and they will be defensive or immediately disagree. But I guarantee you, the moment you speak your mind, your spouses actions will adhere to it.

Keep Pouring Into You

In the beginning of our marriage, I made everything about being my husbands wife and mother to my children. I was so focused on trying to fit what I thought a good mother and wife should be, that I was creating unrealistic expectations for myself. When I saw my husband continuing to pour into himself, I began to resent him. I eventually got to the realization that I need to keep catering to me. You can enjoy being married and being a mother while still doing things you love for yourself.

Keep Pouring Into Your Relationship

It’s vert easy for bills, children and adulting to get in the way for your relationship. Just because you are married does not mean you have to stop enjoying being someone’s girlfriend. Keep dating. Keep being silly with one another. Some things my husband and I have done to keep dating each other is taking a vacation day from work to just hang out together. We often times go for happy hour together. Before social distancing, we use to do a dinner and a movie in our Pjs! And we loved it! Lavish vacations and staycations at amazing hotels are nice, but the simple things that are easier to do more often and are essential as well.

Bonus: Pray Hard All The Time

This is my bonus lesson. Sometimes, unforeseen things happen. There are people who have dealt with a lot in their marriage, such as a layoff or infidelity and somehow still are able to get through it. That is where prayer is absolutely important. Pray over your marriage daily. Pray over your family and yourself daily. You and your spouse absolutely have to be prayer warriors over your home. That is a non-negotiable.